My Thoughts; Heaven

Monday, February 23, 2009

"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep."

- Carl Sandburg

means my life is a very very pungent onion; 'sometimes' is too kind a word in this case

this will be one of my last few posts for a long time.
im going for itp already.

after i get my itp allowance i treat u all go eat ((:

bb people.

recent events made me realize,
i may disappear from your lives anytime.
life is fragile.

i thank everyone for being a part of me,
every single one of you, every single enemy i made,
everything everyone said.

and especially those ever wonderful people who,
entered and left footprints in my life permanently,
and those who continue to.

and to someone:

下一次，当你觉得我冷漠沉默的时候，你是否会明白那是因为我在乎

feeling so sweet ; 2:11 AM;Y

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.

i wanna stop being 'him'

today, another no sleeper for me, went to school for some stuff,
den go to seoul garden at ngee ann city.
im really sorry i wanted to pang seh u all but...
i decided that, im always able to meet the people from two other outings,
one was cancelled though, hahaha.

i felt guilty of that so im quietly admitting it here.
ok had fun eating, i spam 2 plate of spaghetti before starting
coz i wanted give them an advantage ma, den i chui very fast,
burp liao feel like vomitting. LOL!

seoul garden got 1 chiobu, really chio looks like jx somemore :x
i think she keep looking at us coz we keep staring hahaha.

next, we all go walk walk, den i meet tio wenping, samuel & frens.
wenping confirm high sia :D coz the who there :x
he cfm jealous me oso.

den met 3 eee gals and 1 guy. they stare at me like wanna fight like that.
sibei dulan. i stare back. knnb.

hmm den go lucky plaza play pool.
got 1 chio xmm oso gt class outing there.
imba. too bad we different side, if nt power liao.
every round summon dragon liao *who understand?*
*dragon need 7 dragonball*

den wan go home, people go smoke,
i told those going home wait for me i go find fren,
i go up tangs find li, he there serving some china ppl,
den i wait wan go home wif him.

but den i misunderstand, i jitao go home.
i tot wad sia. heng nv wait for him, he say his bus need 1hr+ reach home.

aye, anw i cant book that chalet. im very sorry guys.
i tuo too much alr. hais. i really miss u all.

later i morning nid wake up again go out whole day,
i dunno why my life is so fucked, so busy,
i guess im just doing this to keep myself distracted.

~ signing off, i really envy you, " Recca & Yanagi " ~

feeling so sweet ; 4:12 AM;Y

Friday, February 20, 2009

"Happiness is never stopping to think if you are. "

~Palmer Sondreal

yeah, i always ask myself,
why am i not content with what i have?
the only answer i could think of was that,
i have nothing, other than a peaceful family which i taken for granted.

im just sitting around here rotting,
is this going to be a replay of the past?
where im drowning myself in music and games,
to avoid reality.

now i understand why people commit suicide,
why people are not happy,
happy is just a 5 letter word,
and it was one of the first words i learned since i was born.

but why, why till now have i not been able to achieve it?
why till now am i feeding the ego of happy's enemy, " sad ".

feeling so sweet ; 4:19 AM;Y

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. "

- Oscar Wilde

so far, i have never really hated anyone so much so i wanted them
dead or something,

this makes me remember, of my old clan, the Kia clan.
i still remember, the days, the moments, the glory,
how it all began, on a single piece of chinese calendar paper.
hahaha, yes true. we came up with the name,
on renyeh's paper.

those were the days,
anyway, its kinda nostalgic, the person i am today,
everything, everyone has contributed to who i am today,
i thank everyone for that,
i thank ****** personally, not being sarcastic here.
he was the one who scolded me, made me feel pathetic,
made me feel like crap during those newbie days.

we would play till 4am in the morning,
the whole holiday, my whole sec 3 life was all about gaming,
even during my sec 3 exams i felt inferior to everyone,
so i continued to mold my skills.

i... finally became an average player.
by then, i would learn people's style and adapt accordingly,
those were the days, where dota required more teamwork and skill
than it is today.

i made many friends, i was happy.
we won the respect of many and the community,
all coming so far, all rooting from a single piece of crumbled paper,
it was a wonderful feeling.

i even remembered our first chalet.
it was fun, everyone of the organisers had to fork out $70-90 alone for it,
it was also because of that chalet, that we lost some people,

an enemy clan of ours accused me of maphack,
during that chalet, i wanted to lighten the mood,
coz they say i pro or wad ma, so i just say i mh lor tts y so pro,
jokingly,
not knowing, they spread it to outside,
thinking it was real,

i had to kick them out, this made me look guilty i guess,
but i did not know it was me myself who caused that.

soon, i quarreled with joshua, and the clan split into half,
we had different ideas. we also afew now-famous people under us before. (:

we used to thrash the now 15-year old prodigy known as lemion,
he was known as Kuku.disc . i guess people improve.

every year, we would share to buy a cake and celebrate Kia's Birthday.
do you even remember when it is?

***

anyway, i now also dunno wad i posting.
aiya fuck care la. im so luan now, i dunno wad im doing,
im just a lifeless zombie, i need to reach school by 930 later and im still up here
drowning myself with music.

feeling so sweet ; 3:39 AM;Y

Thursday, February 19, 2009

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

- John Barrymore

i found a quiz from enqi's note. its damn true la, seriously.
so true its scary D:
except for the flirt part omg =.=

* i have never flirted in my whole life *

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

* * *

i have went around blog hopping,
especially people i don't really know,

i feel i can understand them better if i do that way,
but
most of them shattered me,
when i thought i was the most fucked person on earth,
there was always someone worse.

so its true when someone says,
" u rather not be a millionaire if ur richer than ur neighbours,
rather than being a millionaire and being neighbours with billionaires "

no wonder alvin says im the poor of the rich, hes right i guess.

and some people posted about valentine's day,
i have nothing to post except that,
everyday is valentine's day to me,
if only ur by my side. T^T

lastly, im considering going MIA.
im really tired.

Goodbye.

feeling so sweet ; 2:36 AM;Y

Monday, February 16, 2009

Reply to Tags :

weN -
thanks dude. ((: yeah im trying to cheer up but due to the chain of events.. i doubt so.

enqi -
thanks too ((: im glad i to hear that hahaha. i can r.i.p now LOL!

Eric -
you ah.... hahaha thanks also. ill try to.

enping -
yeah i got one :x u got? but y u depressed sia. i see u always so happy de lol.

Alvin Li -
yes i know. i do hope to die young too. but i don't want to make people around me sad.
although it would give people excuse to skip 3 days of school ((:

__ .x JJing -
nb ur tag so chim, err.. :D cannot ah. and ty. cya soon ((:

feeling so sweet ; 3:11 AM;Y

Sunday, February 15, 2009

this is good stuff u guys better see it.
this guy was one of my best buds in pri sch.
we would play table tennis together, playstation, soccer,
we also go home together, hahaha, and he calls me bill cosby.

:D anyway its kinda sad nowadays, hearing people call me alpha.
im just kaweng. hahahaha )):
ill be much happier if people call me kaweng.
especially people i love to bits.

***

im oso nt sure wad to do now.
im lost. confused & down.
im not sure how to feel.
as in i dont know if its right to feel this way.
im feeling LUAN right now also... hais.

edit(3am)
hmm, just now quarrel quarrel. 9-10pm.
got tears but my voice never change. zzzz.
so i think is just my eyes. they maybe got prob.
should be the lenses ba. ):
and my headache is still there. 2 days total less than 8hrs sleep.
although my headache was worth it hahaha.
&& lastly, u fuckers can fuck off. _|_

this is a quickie post, althought i started blogging it abt 2 hours ago.
im slowwwwww

feeling so sweet ; 8:37 PM;Y

Friday, February 13, 2009

this morning, i had the weirdest dream,
i dreamt of the weirdest place and people.
i dreamt that of my old house, of coz of her as well.

i forgot about the details, but
i guess i dreamt of that place because of the
secondary school below there. HAIS.

i went into the lift, and i looked for 10,
in the end it showed 11. i jitao chua.
i guess i know wad it meant, but i didnt wanna brood about it.

****

today i went to NUH to see ******.
im not trying to say or mean anything or what,
if its offensive or anything, i will take it down.

we went there to see him,
its really a sad scene,
with the tubes and all and stuff.
people cried, and i was halfway to nearly tear-ing already,
but i didnt know why it didnt come.

i didnt talk to him from the start because i was shy,
in front of so many people,
i shamefully admit that, but when i was alone wif 3 others,
i did talk abit & it didnt come out as well as i rehearsed.

i didnt really know him well,
he was a hi-bye friend to me,
we talked once last year, at batok interchange,

i dun really wanna go into details but,
i really sincerely do hope u just..
get up and open your eyes once again,
i really do. im not being a hypocrite or wad but ya.

and...
i just had a thought,
if i were in this state, how many of my friends and 'friends' would
come down to see me daily, make paper swans for me,
i know for sure i can count on afew.

but will so many miss me? i wont want to be a burden to my family,
if i knew what was happening, i would request to die straight away,
and not incur any hospital fees to my family.

i... finally learnt how nice and good it is to be alive,
it really is. even if i cannot have what i want,
being happy can come later.

Please wake up and make everyone smile again.

***
Lastly, tomorrow is going to be a lonely day for me.
It means a big deal to me, thought this date,
i see evelyn nick : once again the overrated Vday
i dun think so. its a really wonderful day. (:
hahahaha. hmm... white chrysanthemum .

Lonely ever so lonely

feeling so sweet ; 10:29 PM;Y

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

hais nowadays dunno y so unlucky.
i chiong do hmwk till fall asleep. wake up liao continue doing.
den i go blackboard see. omg i got interview but too late le.
den my teacher called, i dunno how to explain.
i was stunned. now hes gonna suspect something of me.
its natural to do so of coz ):

den next i wanna go print my homework for DEAE.
i print the trial one to mark the position where i can cut
den slot a namecard in to print. den trial finish...
NO MORE BLACK INK. wa i damn damn damn sad.
den i remember my printer type of ink only can be bought
at those IT Mall. walannn.

hais i dunno la. den now 2 ppl call me ask me do things i also wanna help
but i myself oso cant tong le.

still need to go school return people something.
zzzzzz. dunno wads happening to me nowadays.

den i just sit down to off laptop. my ass kena slice by the edge of the drawer.
sibei pain la. den i really really no mood now.
i go phone check time jitao blackout.

arghhhhh. hope life gets better for me.
yeahyeah. no one will believe this.
im lying etc etc.

and lastly, sry to those 3 people.
i have DMP tutorial today so i cant meet u people.

feeling so sweet ; 12:53 PM;Y

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

the aunty muchiam zombies says (10:39 PM):
u got mic?
the aunty muchiam zombies says (10:39 PM):
we play game
Kaweng says (10:39 PM):
..
Kaweng says (10:39 PM):
wad game
the aunty muchiam zombies says (10:39 PM):
LOL
the aunty muchiam zombies says (10:39 PM):
u sing a song
the aunty muchiam zombies says (10:39 PM):
i guess
Kaweng says (10:39 PM):
fuck
Kaweng says (10:39 PM):
u la

this is how bored some people are,
im having 7 conversations now,
and this one made me so cold,
i think.. my nose is falling off.
WTF AM I TALKING? zzz

hmm anyway heres something i came across.
its kinda nice i guess (coz mi chi no good)

每个男孩都曾经是一个地狱的恶魔
作者: 愚人月光

每个男孩都曾经是一个地狱的恶魔.....
因为要等待自己心爱的女孩出现而在地狱受尽痛苦..
终于他等到了,他也许付出的没有女孩多..
但女孩们你们知道吗?
他们在地狱中受了多少年的煎熬才换回凡世与你的相遇...
女孩却总是不懂男孩,一次一次伤著男孩的心..
爱情越来越淡,终于无法挽回.....
女孩对男孩说:我们分手吧..
一刹那,男孩慢慢的堕入无尽的深渊...
男孩知道他又要回到地狱了.受了千年的煎熬,
却换不回女孩一句真挚的"我爱你"
男孩突然好想哭,可是他发现
千年的地狱烈焰,已经将他的泪水全部蒸干
女孩明白了一切时
已经太晚太晚....男孩又变成了恶魔
又要受到无尽的诅咒与痛苦
女孩看到了男孩..
在梦里,男孩在无尽的火海里,被无数利刃贯穿了胸膛..
但是男孩还是不怪她,因为男孩是真的爱那个女孩..
千年的痛苦却不及你的一句伤害男孩的话
地狱伤害的只是肉体,而女孩伤害的是男孩的心....
所以每个女孩请珍惜每一个爱你的男孩...
不要辜负他们对你的爱
你们要知道为了与你在这一世
他们曾在地狱受了好多苦
你们要知道
如果你们不再爱他们时
他们又要回到炼狱.

feeling so sweet ; 10:43 PM;Y

stop appearing in my dreams,
why do you haunt me so?
i have done nothing wrong,
i even dream of you while nodding of in the bus,

that kept me so preoccupied that when i left the house,
to see the doctor,
i forgot to bring my phone =.=
had to return home after half the trip there,
i didnt even look while crossing the road la,
had breathing difficulty and was thinking of the dream.

are my dreams trying to tell me something?
people say its a mix of subconscious thoughts
that you think during the day,
not that they are right
but i always believed we can learn something from them,

and i suddenly had a thought,
those shows that portray someone getting amnesia,
forgetting the one they really love,
and not being able to remember them,
i think its bullshit,

coz im sure, if i ever have amnesia one day,
i would be friendly and more open to the same people
as i am to and would die for whoever i really like today,
because its genuine and im me,

lastly
i didnt know why i cried today,
i wasnt sad, i wasnt happy, i just ate a mouthful of rice
and a spoon of soup, jitao tears come out,
my voice didnt change,
weird sia lol so paiseh.
think mi body gonna chui soon.

feeling so sweet ; 2:56 AM;Y

Monday, February 2, 2009

i haven blog in a long long time liao :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEN :D
hope u will be even more stunning this year :x

2 days in a row i dreamt of someone,
i wont say its a guy or gal, or whether its
a sweet dream or nightmare,
but it rendered me unable to wake up,
coz it made me lose my mood totally,

if this continues, i guess im unable to get out of bed,
for these 2 final weeks of school.
damn it.

"Don't forget to keep that smile on your face. I had to forgo everything."
- Serene(Quoted)

i found this rather nice lol

feeling so sweet ; 2:49 AM;Y